Friday, February 06, 2009

if they got to know me...

my neighbor...
bless her heart...
she is CRAZY.
(do you like that? in the south if you use a preemptive "bless their/his/her heart", you can say mean things...please note I'm kidding. not about that saying though.....)

Pam: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me and she still hates me, so.
my neighbor.
she is not a fan of Jared.
which is fine. not everyone has to be a fan of my kid.
a. she's an adult.
b. he's a great kid.
and yes I'm completely biased,
you may not know everything your child says and does when they are away from you...
but you know their heart.
and Jared is a nice kid.

So. without going into too much detail suffice it to say of the group of boys here,
(2 other families, with 2 boys each)
one is being left out. or feeling left out.
this is mostly due to the fact he doesn't like playing outside.
and the other 6 do. (please note. the other 6 do. 6 ...not just Jared)
I have talked to my boys about including him.
compromising and letting him choose the game or sport.
they all claim to be trying...
I am one to let kids work things out...
I mean honestly...7 or more kids together...there are always a few that don't get along.
sometimes it's my kids that come in crying.
and guess what?
I tell them they can either play together or not.
I don't care who hit who, or who tackled who too hard, or who didn't follow the rules....
play together and get along. or come inside.

she has said she "hates" Jared.
and now, she has said he is a bully.
Jared is competitive. but. he. is. not. a. bully.
I'm not sure if I should just continue to ignore her.
or if I confront her?

my sister pointed out.
me in a confrontation would equal
me listening to her tell me what a rotten kid I have..
and then uttering something along the lines of ...
"you are mean, and your kid is weird"...
which would not be helpful.
I'm voting for option c. which is move.
Colin says that is not an option yet.
my husband's advice is "ignore it, the kid is just weird."
which is good advice, and true...
but honestly. I feel bad.
I feel bad that her son is upset.

I like things to be conflict free.
and I like kids to be happy...

I've also decided in the past few days that I need to be more mindful.
because while I'm not overly sensitive in terms of little things bothering me.
I think that lots of woman are.
and I am too laid back sometimes.
I'm trying to take this into account in this situation.
I am also still feeling horribly bad about a completely different situation yesterday,
when I inadvertently sent a friend a tag on facebook.
which was a not a bad or mean thing to do,
until it dawned on my the content of the tag.
and her history.
and realized my huge. ginormous. mistake.
but that's just so me.
not thinking.
not intentionally doing something hurtful,
and yet.
looking back going.
what is wrong with you...
I felt and feel horrible.

so maybe I'm over thinking this situation.
in order to not later have to say
why am I such an idiot?!

I am actually contemplating creating greeting cards with that sentiment.
"I'm sorry I'm such an idiot. please forgive me."

so the past few days I've spent listening to Pastor Jason's podcasts.
like 6 of them.
and scrapping.
because cutting out shapes from paper and inking them and piecing them back together is clearly cathartic for me. (ok. and fun)
and Jason is so spot on.
seriously. I would totally drink the kool-aid.
(which was a joke. in case that's not blatantly clear)
my favorite line still...."you are not super Christian!"...
which is good to remind yourself. sometimes multiple times (a day).
and then try harder.
(even though that's not exactly the way it was used...)

ps. that picture in the last post was Coley. age 2-ish...
gorgeous grumpy Coley-O.


Shaun said...

I hope you have fun on your date! Regarding your not so groovy neighbor, I would confront her. I too have one who does not like my kids and does not allow her boy to play with my Mitchell. This women is built like a box, no kidding, and she never says 'Hi' just 'Hey' whenever I say hi to her. Why does she not like my kids? Apparently because they used to have long hair. They are moving as soon as they sell their house and I am going to ask her before they move why she does not like us. She is even Catholic! I know if I don't say something it will always bother me. I am sure I will lose my temper; I will just have to go to confession.
Keep me posted and have a groovy weekend!

pakosta said...

I am so sorry you are dealing with the neighbor things. I know how that is! After awhile I just said my girls are NOT allowed to play from Monday thru Thursday and they all stopped asking! it has worked out GREAT! my girls now play with each other and we invite friends from school that they get along with for playdates on weekends instead of just playing with the neighbors. it's worked out so much better. they actually have kids over that they really want to play with instead of just settling for whoever is around. it's limited all bickering, fighting and drama! i was sO SICK of the drama!!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH! i didn't know there would be drama with boys. sounds like she is coddling her son and he's a mama's boy> dont' even worry about IT!
you are a good person don't let anyone tell you any different!

Missy said...

Oh Sweetie.. I hear that.
We were at a party last weekend and I asked what Connor was doing and one mom said "trying to kill my daughter." And EVERY OTHER parent there said Connor was a gentleman the WHOLE TIME and there was no way he was being bad - that her daughter was the bad one - go figure.

So I say - DON'T SWEAT IT :)

You have good boys... I know this. :)

sarah said...

I hope you had fun on your date with your textually challenged husband :)

as far as the neighbors...
is it really worth it?
I get it. I do.
but it sounds to me she's not worth it.
you are raising gentleman.
good, kind boys.
you know this and we/i know this.
who cares what she thinks?
thinking of you though...
b/c I totally get it.

essie said...

um...for lack of couth (as it may be)
screw your crazy ass neighbor.
i am currently surrounded by crazy, for which teamleader has to constantly remind me that WE happen to be the grown-ups in our stair"hell" as i refer to it...

just because you can have a baby, buy a house and become a spiteful person doesn't mean you are a grown-up.

you, my sweet, NON idiotic friend, you are a woman FULL of grown-up-ness.
your story is serious, challenging, sincere, loving, devoted, changing, kind...REAL
and gab is right.
100% right
and i think mr. nestle has been whoa bad about getting his shit together and moving you to germany.
which would of course mean that the epa would have to see the intense need for a gabby to live here to!

um...this comment has become an email, i realize, whoopS!

this woman is so stuck in her nightmare, that she doesn't even know her own child...she'll never get knowing you.
or J'ohio for that matter.
it's a wicked shame, lovebug

i however know you-warts and all-
i know your children
i know your family
i know your life

and i thank G-d everyday for ALL of it.
yes i do!
messy essie spidermonkey

gabbyfek said...

my hilariously funny sisser
this is cracking me up
but first
i love your freaking page.

and this?
best. line. ever:
best friends forever that go to the mall together and like to eat at taco bell....

i love you.
and i love that you quoted my advice. ha. i am so wise.

Sarah said...

I HATE situations like that. I want to defend my kids, because I KNOW how good they are (but secretly I wonder if I am just blinded and they are doing terrible things behind my back and then I feel that horrible tearing sensation of guilt and bad mothering and being wrongfully accused.) Good Times. This situation occured recently for me and I totally blew it. Flew apart, raging screaming embarrasingly out of control. I wouldn't do that if I were you. It's regretable. But I wouldn't make Jared take her cookies either. If it weren't him, it might be some other kid who couldn't handle it as well, you know? At least he IS a good kid, and people will always say things. Better to learn to shake it off early. I guess. Rambling. Sorry, dear. Not much help from me, but the scrapping is lovely!